From joy to anger, there are many emotions in this world. But what is it like to struggle with your emotions? It seems my life has been a constant struggle with the feelings most people can handle. I thought about blogging this because my fiance (I'm getting married in less than two weeks) liked a post I put on Facebook and he thought I should write out my feelings. As a child, I had the label ADHD and Emotionally Impaired. As and adult, I am Bipolar with psychosis. But these labels are mere guesses, they have been changed quite a lot, and I have characteristics that resemble other disorders too. I think the most devastating symptom I had as a child were the rages or meltdowns, I'm not sure what to call them because it seems to differ by disorder. These happened quite a lot, and happened until my early teens. I will try to help you understand what it was like by summarizing a typical rage: Before school started, I would hang out by the door waiting for the school to open. A kid would come up to me and say something like "you stink". Most children would tease back and not take it to heart. But I did take it to heart. I couldn't believe that someone would call me smelly. I responded with "Leave me alone!" The other kids would continue to provoke me and I would respond with "Leave me alone!" Then suddenly a wall of emotion would hit me with a ton of bricks. I literally couldn't help it. I really didn't want to scream and cry, but the urge was irresistible. This is kind of a crude example, but it is sort of like sexual release, but instead of good feelings, the sudden rush of feelings are bad. To this very day, I sometimes feel like raging, but I'm in more control now and it comes and goes. I was put into special education because of this and other problems. I wasn't learning disabled however, I was the opposite, I was very good at learning the subject matter in school. The most common descriptor of me is "smart" but sometimes I don't really see that, but that is what people say. Anyway, that is all for now. Later posts will describe this stuff more, and also my adult struggles. Thanks for reading.